I've been there. I've yowled in pain. I've walked funny after the experience. Yes, I know what it feels like to have my testicles nestled in the hand of someone trying to crush then into pulp. And it was a man's hand, with the fingernails driven inwards by a man's muscles. And I suspect every other rugby forward could relate a similar happening. Paul Gascoigne's contorted face when his testicles were receiving 'undue' attention from Vinnie Jones is one of the most enduring images of the 20th century.
So I have some sympathy for Pc Anthony Mulhall, who recently reacted with force when Ms Toni Comer tried to grab 'handfuls' of his genitals after being ejected from a Sheffield nightclub. He also claims that she tried to kick him in the same general area, which makes my eyes water just thinking about it. There was a suggestion on a 5 Live phone-in this morning that a drunken woman has the power of 7 elephants. The question to be decided is whether the force used by Pc Mulhall was 'undue force'.
I will await the inquiry before committing myself to a judgement on the case, but the next time I go to a Sheffield nightclub, I want my colleague, David Davies to come with me - fully armed with his extended baton and Taser gun. I'm not taking any chances.